A blog about Science, Philosophy, Wargaming, Literature and other things, in three or more languages.
Today I was hung out to dry by two people who neither showed up, nor managed to mention beforehand that they will not do so. Which in turn had the effect that I carried two large bags of scenery across town, took two hours to construct a playable field for Infinity and then proceeded to wait for them to show up. About seven hours later one of them messaged me that he will not make it today, well that fast, especially as I phoned him five hours earlier and he didn´t called me back.
Am I angry at them? – Yes. Did it ruin my day?- No.
Why is that so? Well I spent the day among similar minded people, playing (or more watched them play) different games. We had some nice chats and it generally was a nice day with nice people. Most of them I don´t even know very well. Still among many bleak days through which I suffered lately, this day really shines. I think the reason lies in something which I also experienced several years ago at a weekend with my reenactment group. These days define themselves especially over the absence of one thing – social pressure.
In everyday life and almost at any other given time we interact with other people, we exert social pressure on them. Especially when we want something from other people. Still even if that is not the case we tend to put heap expectations on the people around us, also many people tend to do that even more with folks we like. A more intimate relationship somewhat brings along a new set of expectations, but at the same time a more lax view about meeting them. The more we like someone, the more they can get away with.
The amount of such pressure really can be daunting and (mostly subconsciously ) very oppressive for the people, who have to suffer from it. This really can weigh heavily on a friendship or relationship. Maybe most of us are aware of that effect to some degree and thusly try to decrease the pressure and take it somewhere else. Applying it to people we barely know carries less risk of retaliation, yet also is more difficult. The more you know about someone, the easier it becomes to “push their buttons”. In some jobs it is daily routine to manipulate others in order to achieve what one wants. Probably that easily carries over into their private lifes, still all of us do it.
To return to the point at hand. During all these long hours that I waited today, I neither applied any social pressure nor was I subjected to any. There were things to be done, like moving furniture, doing the dishes from the (completly voluntarily prepared) dinner and so on. Still everybody did it without complaint or the feeling of being obliged to do these things (of course I am assuming here for everone else). And after all is said that is just a great feeling, as you are allowed to be who you are without judging or anyone wanting you to be different.
So maybe we all should strive to be less demanding and not try to push other people along the paths we want them to take.
Is this the last I have to say about that? Probably not, but I have subjected you to enough of my ramblings for today.
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