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Sometimes I feel more like an observer of other peoples life, than someone who is living his own.
The last two days I attented a conference, something I haven´t done in a quite a while. It was a mixed experience. For one I really enjoyed to get together with people, who share an interest – an passion even – for a scientific venture. On the other hand, I was reminded of some stupid social mechanism, that I really despise. To name two of them; the convention to send someone as a proxy to a gathering. Whenever someone from an important family (whatever constitutes that, is another matter), cannot attend something, anotehr member of the familiy is sent. Even if the person in question has no relation whatsoever witht the topic at hand. Come on that is not fruitful.
The other one is the death period, as I call it. That is the period which you can be absent from any social (scientific, commercial, etc.) circle, without perceived as being dead (meaning forgotten about). If you let this period slip by, it is a hard task to get up to speed again, and more important to get back into peoples heads. I should have known better than to let it slide that much.
Well on to the matter of the title.
The good thing is that you meet up again with people, that you haven´t seen in a while. I have found it very intriguing to observe the changes when people mature. In a way that must be what parents see in their children, when you see how a young girl/boy/whatever becomes a woman/man/still whatever, and these mature into moe refined versions of themselves. You can see it in their posture, their face and of course sometimes in their figure.
I don´t know why, but I take great solace in this. It might be because of my ability to assess someones potential. Almost every person I know a little bit better, I can envison the persons they might become, for good or bad, even though I try to concentrate on the good side. When I then see some of this predictions turned true, I am very glad. It could be only thing that prevents me from becoming even more pessimistic, as in a way it fills me with hope. Even if just for change and progress.
There are times when I have to hold me back not to try influence the people around me, in order to nudge them into the directions, I think would be the best version of them. Acting on and believing in visions of people can be dangerous. I once only saw the person someone could be and lost sight of the actual person. It hurt badly in the end, really badly. I guess that is progress as well.
These developments also leave people more interesting, as there always is a story to be heard. Stories are the lifeblood of the universe after all. Still at the moment, where my own life is at an impasse, it feels also like other peoples´ lifes passing by the window. While I still stand at the station, waiting for my train.
The conclusion of this is anyones guess, including yours´.
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